Sabrina Ward Harrison: It's Saturday, June 17th, 2017. This is Room of the Trees, a podcast about connecting and creating and figuring this life out. The following was recorded on June 8th, 2017. This is episode 44. What are you laughing about, Trent?
Trenton Reynolds: Oh, you're sounding really gung-ho right now. We're digging in here. We're recording. We're digging in and going for it.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: It's episode number 44, Situate Yourself. Room in the Trees is hosted by Trent Reynolds and me, Sabrina Harrison. Show notes including pictures, links, video, and more for every episode can be found at roominthetrees.com. If you like this podcast, please consider showing your support. You can become a subscribing patron at patreon.com.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: recording a conversation with Allison, who was at the first weekend, tomorrow. But we have a new date for September, and then we have a few spots left, so.
Trenton Reynolds: - And announcing here for the first time.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: - True Living, Groove in the Trees, Collaboration, Sabrina, Santa Monica, October 2017. Woo-hoo! Woo-oo-oo! It's very exciting. You can find out more on the site.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Roominthetrees.com forward slash Los Angeles. And it's going to be good, guys. It's going to be good. We're both teaching and leading it together. So get ready.
Trenton Reynolds: We've been talking about this for a long, long time. And I'm really excited that it's actually going to happen. Yeah. So we're looking forward to it. looking forward to that. We would like to welcome to the show today a special guest Aishophelia. You might remember from a couple episodes ago we shared some of our favorite Instagram accounts and Sabrina's first choice was the Girlfriend Manifesto and we invited Aisha to join us. Aisha Ophelia is the author of The Girlfriend Manifesto. I mispronounced her name for the first half or more of our conversation. I wanted to acknowledge that up front. Her name is pronounced Aisha, not Aisha. And I wanted to apologize for that. And here is our conversation. with the wonderful author of the Girlfriend Manifesto, Aisha Ophelia.
Ayesha Ophelia: I bet your place is a dream to sort of look through, Sabrina. I have got to get to one of those retreats, and it would be a dream just to see all of, like, how you create and, like, your space.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: It was... I would love you to. It was really an amazing weekend. It just... It just... I knew from the minute I met everybody and we all sort of gathered together, it just felt like a beautiful, beautiful, it was just beautiful. I'm not articulating that very well, but it was very meaningful. And I loved seeing how the women connected to each other and really sincerely and deeply had really meaningful experiences. One thing just to mention about the, for the retreat, we had it catered the first on Saturday and then on Sunday, everyone got homemade sandwiches 'cause you may have seen this, the Corey sandwiches that he's made, I put on Instagram. - Oh wow. - So we made personalized sandwiches for everybody and it was a big hit. And we took them on the pontoon ride. It was just really fun. I've gotten really embracing sandwiches again in my life I never had a sandwich phase so that's the latest craze I ate three sandwiches yesterday
Ayesha Ophelia: well they were definitely beautiful sandwiches I had sandwich envy so yeah they're really tasty
Trenton Reynolds: are you no longer with soups anymore? oh yeah I'm off soup you're off soup that feels like a momentous transition
Sabrina Ward Harrison: you broke up with soup I broke up with soup a while ago yeah the soup was heavy for a while yeah I have a feeling apples are going to return soon that phase I've been on an apple kick yeah I put sliced apples in the sandwich yesterday it was really good and sweet potato puree. Yeah.
Trenton Reynolds: Wait a second. Sweet potato puree in a sandwich?
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Yes. Is it the consistency of like mayonnaise? Yep. Okay. A little thicker. It's not. It's surprisingly delightful.
Trenton Reynolds: Really? I can see it. If it's like an apple butter type consistency. It's apple butter. I just thought you were talking about like... It's just smeared... Like soggy.
Trenton Reynolds: If you're getting soggy bread with any kind of sweet potato, that's... No. You can't ruin a sandwich like that. If it's butter, I can see that. Or like cranberry sauce on a sandwich. Ooh. Yeah. That is... I love that. It's the best.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: I love that.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Okay.
Trenton Reynolds: I really enjoy the way Sabrina puts together a space, and also your mom, too, Sabrina. Same natural gift of just creating a very... inviting and magical space.
Ayesha Ophelia: Yeah, I feel like there's some people's spaces you can walk in. Like if they were void of the space, you get such a good idea about what a cool human they are. And there's a lot of times I walk into a space and it's like perfectly, you know, it looks like a catalog, but I have no idea about the person who lives there. So I just feel like, yeah, it would probably be such a soulful place that gave, you know, everyone a great idea about who inhabited. hit it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Yeah. Well, I want to hear about you, Aisha. Like, what do you what do you feel like you you listen to the podcast regularly? Is that right? I do. Yeah.
Yeah. Go ahead.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: And were you familiar with my books before, or how did you discover the podcast?
Ayesha Ophelia: Oh, yeah, definitely. You know what? I was trying to think. It feels like one of those friendships, even though we're now just officially meeting, where I'm like, wait, how did that happen? And I don't know if it's, like, through Sark or whatever, but I have Spilling Open. And actually, I've got all of your books, but I broke it out the other day because I remember it came to me at such a time when, like, it just felt like someone was kind of owning me. the messy nature of being human. And at my age, it was like, oh, I just like clung to this. And I told every girlfriend I could about it. And they have since have bought the books and love them too. And so it's just been kind of this beacon that I go back to whenever I think about, man, those were such like formative years. Like what was I doing? Who was I reading? Who was influencing me? And you were like a huge, huge, huge influence. So thank you for revealing all of that in such a personal way. But so that's how I kind of got introduced. And then social media makes everything such a small world now. It's kind of incredible to connect with people and authors and people you admire. And, you know, they're just real people. And you start to like kind of see that even more. I mean, there's. tons of stuff we could sit and talk about, about, you know, how terrible it is and things that we wish were different, but I've just chosen to focus on my little niche and it has opened up so many doors, has been such a cool way to kind of express this voice that I've been sort of quiet about. And so I was telling Trent before this, that part of like in like how you spell my name there's yes in there and that's a thing that i didn't start doing until recently i just say yes and kind of figure it out and it's been it's been amazing in in so many ways and um so thank you for having me and yeah so cool so
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Beautifully said, yeah. Do you have any questions? Like I like the feeling, sometimes when we have a guest on, we, Trent and I kind of try to figure out, we don't wanna be too much doing the asking, asking, like an interview. We just put the sense of choosing a topic that we kind of, or a few topics,
Ayesha Ophelia: Let me just like, let's, let me observe you. The tables are turning in our culture. The tables are frigging turning. I know. I'm not sure what time. Yeah. I guess so. I guess so. I love, I love to look at it that way. Yeah. But it's kind of like, it's this thing I see a lot. And, and especially for someone who's in a position of like, you know, you're doing retreats and you're leading out. It's been such a, oh my God, just so interesting to say yes and then kind of, you know, I kind of feel this dread coming over me. Like, okay, I said yes, and now I have to go and do this thing or speak up. But anytime I do, it's amazing that all this spaciousness is created. So, you know, that's a...
Trenton Reynolds: What are the... When you are... assessing whether or not somebody is actually an introvert, what are the criteria? I wonder if I would pass the introvert test. I feel pretty strongly that I'm an introvert. I feel pretty strongly about that too.
Ayesha Ophelia: Now even hearing you talk about like sort of like these social engagements, what I normally do is I can normally spot another person who's an introvert and we can kind of just like share space and and the occasional like, you know, whatever. It's like I find myself always sort of like navigating to the other person who just feels extremely awkward at all of these things. And what is the litmus test? You know, it's probably just sort of like a grumpy thing I say when I see all these memes and everyone's like, me too. And I'm like, really? Like, where are you? I don't you know, I don't see or experience you necessarily in my personal life or, you know, even with my friends. So many of my friends are so radically different than me. You know, I'm the, yeah, just a little bit different than all of them, so.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: I love how you said the idea of sharing space, like, I really get that. Like, I love that concept of introverts kind of connecting but not having to talk, but just holding. space for each other be like you're awesome because we don't have to talk
Sabrina Ward Harrison: but you're involved you're engaging you're engaging with somebody you're not by yourself but you both have this sort of unspoken agreement that we're like we're cool yeah it's like a life
Ayesha Ophelia: jacket for you you're like thank you for being here and for feeling as awkward as i do Oh, goodness.
Trenton Reynolds: Well, I think, I mean, sometimes it is awkward and it's nice to have somebody around that's like you, but that idea of being in a space and there being some kind of comfort or communication that happens non-verbally, I think that is a very significant and important thing I know to me is, you know, I've had parts of my times in my life when I've been alone a lot and it was really lonely, you know, and. I've had times in my life when I've been surrounded by people that have been really loud and demanding and really asking for a lot of my attention. And that has been lonely in its own way. And then I have, you know, relationships. And there have been times in my life when I have people that surround me that are a like me and don't need to talk all the time and are just there and those there's like there's a fulfillment and satisfaction and that homeness and and connectedness that I feel in that in that kind of relationship that I don't feel in in others and I notice this with my I've told stories before of my my two daughters are kind of the opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to introvert and extrovert and my one introverted daughter she can just sit in the same room playing by herself and I'll be you know laying down on the bed looking at my phone or whatever and if I leave the room she goes out and asked me to come back in
Interesting.
Trenton Reynolds: And she wants me to be there, but she doesn't need me to interact with her or play with her. She just likes that I'm there. And I feel the exact same way. Totally. I would rather her be there in the room playing by herself with me there looking at my phone than just me being in there by myself with my phone, if that makes sense. Yep. Anyway, it's a lot of talking for a very simple idea, but I think it's more than just awkwardness that – that unites us in that.
Ayesha Ophelia: Definitely. I think some of it might be this inner solitude or this questioning. I think that could be a common tie between people who kind of label themselves as introverted or feel that way It's like this, you know, I've got so many questions. I know you two probably both do too. And you know, there'll be a lot of times where I'm just sort of in my own world going through that. And I love nothing more than being in the same room with someone where I'm reading a book and they're reading a book. And occasionally I just look up and glance and oh, you're here, you know, it's so nice that you're here. And then just kind of go back into my own little world of questioning or reading or whatever I'm doing. So that is a lovely, I don't know,
Sabrina Ward Harrison: lovely idea. And it's so loving to do like for it's like it's not just one of the best feelings when you feel that sense of permission and you feel that connection but safety that just be sharing a space with somebody but not having to be on. It's a freedom from expectation
Trenton Reynolds: right? Yeah. It's like existence without anybody feeling like somebody is expecting something. something from you or wanting or asking for something. They just want you to be there, you know, just to be.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: - That's funny 'cause the place I do the workshop at is called A Place to Be.
Ayesha Ophelia: That's awesome. - Ah, whole new meaning on that now.
Trenton Reynolds: Well, Aisha, I'm interested in this idea that you're an introvert, and the way that you project yourself, or how you present yourself on Instagram and through your website is very forceful. And that doesn't necessarily mean it's extroverted, but it feels... I don't know, I guess I'm curious how you would describe the voice that you're trying to cultivate in how you present yourself to the world.
Ayesha Ophelia: - You know what that voice is? It's kind of the old soul grandmother spirit that I have always had. I didn't, obviously didn't have those words when I was growing up, but I always felt this sort of, I don't know, steadiness in who I was. It wasn't like I didn't go through everything that everyone else did, but I always felt like, oh, there's like, I know something, I need to say something. And as time passed and I got a little bit older, I really got the inner urge, like whatever you wanna call that, your soul, your higher calling, especially to speak to the complexity of being a woman, because I was kind of surrounded by, and an energy growing up. So I had my mother, who was an extremely strong woman, and through her I got to know... She was adopted, but she had a really powerful mom who came into her life. And so there were all these really strong women that I got to sort of model myself after and see... just all the complicatedness of what it means to be a woman and so when you know I was thinking about my contribution to the online arena because we all have our little space and it seems like more and more it's a non-negotiable like how are you going to show up in this way and so I started thinking about all the things I do naturally with my friends who I feel super comfortable with and I'm talking about, you know, women's issues and spirituality and adventure and sort of saying yes and living this like creative, passionate life. And, you know, there's so many parts of being someone who's a little bit quieter, but it's nice to sort of just be free with these ideas, especially it's like when you feel supported, like we were just talking about and there's so many women that I feel supported by that I don't that I haven't even met it's such an incredible community that I've seen be built and so like for instance if I'm traveling to a new city and I say hey you know I'd like to have tea with someone or you know what what do I do here there's like there's people that are saying hey you can stay at my house or come and have tea with me or go here and so there's been this um I guess sort of freedom to speak from that grandmother voice, that voice that's always sort of known something and had something to say. And so, yeah, it just feels like a kind of a non, I know it sounds crazy, but a non-judgmental community. There's been a lot of people who have been, you know, have felt like oh my page got trolled or someone was really mean and you know there's been like a handful of times where I don't even think about it I just delete it like if it doesn't feel right I delete it or I delete them and like that's it um but for the most part it's just been a place to sort of be able to stand up on my you know like especially when you do spend a lot of time alone it's like the first, sometimes the first person I see, I'm like, and it could even be like an animal. I'm like, oh, let me tell you about all these new thoughts I've had. So yeah, it's kind of a, in that way, it's sort of a playground and, you know, I can be as big as I want to be, take up as much space, um, and it's okay. So yeah.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: How can you talk a little bit about your transition into do sharing and doing what you're doing now from when maybe when you're a bit younger and what what your vision has been for your work and
Ayesha Ophelia: yeah, you know, I don't think I necessarily knew I thought there's no way that you can do what comes so naturally and there's no way that you know, it's like growing up in a time like this It's like you have to think about how are you gonna monetize it and how you're gonna live and you know Sort of I consider myself an artist and it took me a long time to say that I've always been extremely creative my dad is an actual painter and love having a blank piece of paper even just to write down my thoughts so I always and funny enough Trent when you were talking about giving out awards all willy-nilly I actually remember award I got in like third or fourth grade and it stuck with me because so many of my friends are very scholarly and they have like PhDs and they have all these awards and I'm like I remember when I like I got the most creative and that was kind of a big deal for me because it's always been sort of a natural proclivity. And then sort of turning that into what I felt really turned on by growing, like getting older was, I guess, spirituality and these ideas of searching and our soul. And really what I wanted to do was bring those messages to other women because because I found that, you know, when I got in touch with my pain or my questioning, I'm like, oh wow, that's always there. That's not necessarily a conversation that we have all the time. How can I make a platform or how can I make something that eases someone's pain or talks directly to an issue that we haven't been? And really within the last, I don't know, I'd say five or six years I've really opened myself up to that space and sort of putting myself at first it was really uncomfortable and it really started in my hometown of Chattanooga. I had this idea and I was like I need my sisterhood. Those words just popped into my head you know and so I invited a few women who I felt really inspired by who I didn't know which was a giant leap for me. invited some friends and we just got together in a studio my art studio at the time and we ate food and we supported each other and we laughed and we cried and I was just like this was kind of before I knew that there were women's circles and places that we could gather together to sort of just be and it just kept growing into sort of what it is now which has kind of blown my mind I've done retreats and I've spoken in front of women and I've done all these things that I didn't think that I would necessarily do, but the message was so alive for me, so it just felt like I was pushed. Like, okay, I have to do this. I have no choice.
Yeah. Can you tell me?
Trenton Reynolds: I was going to say, that feels very much, Sabrina, like... how you've described, you know, you're being put into this arena where, you know, you're having to interact with people in a way that maybe you're not comfortable with, but it's like this thing inside you, this calling to speak up, right, and to share.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Yeah. Yeah. And not quite knowing how the shape is going to take. exactly and the monetary aspects of it too. What's your website so I can just put it in
Ayesha Ophelia: right now and look at it? Sure. It's the girlfriendmanifesto.com. And the blog is where I house a lot of my thoughts. But lately, I've just been going to Instagram for these little bursts of inspiration on what to share. So you'll find a lot there. But you're probably up on the most current stuff because we follow each other so
Trenton Reynolds: yeah I love your things I love reposting them can you describe um what is the girlfriend manifesto or is that a just a name or is it an actual no it's a you know when I I got the name first
Ayesha Ophelia: um and then I started to define what that meant for me and it it it feels like a a movement that is based on sisterhood because my female friendships have like brought me through so many of the roughest times. Basically I think everyone should have a manifesto for their life and so when I really started thinking about like what do I talk about all the time? I was like, oh, okay. Talk about sisterhood. I talk about adventure because I love traveling. I talk about spirituality, and I talk about self-love. So the Girlfriend Manifesto, to me, are all of those things. And yes, it might be aimed at women, but I find that a lot of men can find, you know, like a little diamond or a little jewel in the message. And it's not like I, you know, there's... Yeah, it's not bashing of men in any way. I hope it doesn't come across as that. I just, I know the complexity of being a woman, and so it feels really comfortable to speak to women. But it's interesting to see that, you know, that, well, A, men are hungry for those sort of spaces too, and that there are a lot of men that are on the page and leaving comments and maybe able to see women sort of in a different way.
Sure. - Mm-hmm.
Ayesha Ophelia: are you teaching it or what what are some yeah so you know like probably similar to your story at first it was just a place to sort of get everything that was inside out and I think we all need those spaces and I'm sure that you both probably have good outlets for you know getting the creativity in you out getting the anger out getting whatever out and so at first it was just it was just for that and you know, I created an online space for that and then just started getting asked like, hey, do you do coaching? Have you thought about doing retreats? And my answer was yes, usually. It's like, I haven't yet, but I'll figure it out. And so it's kind of, it's been a thing like that. And so my goal is to do an in-person event at least once a year. And so far I've been able to do that. I've done little small retreats. I like to keep it around 12. And sometimes it's 10 to 12. I do quite a bit of in-person things in my hometown. And so, yeah, it's definitely been growing and morphing and it's been an interesting process.
Trenton Reynolds: I think there's something so important in what you just said is like when somebody would invite you to do something and do you do or not invite you but ask you if you do something and that willingness to step out into the unknown right and it's I mean you it wasn't too far a step it wasn't such that you know you didn't think there was any possible way you could achieve whatever do whatever is requested but I don't know I think that is we're in a time that is in so many ways transitioning into something new and something unpredictable and something that's never happened before you know with the way that the internet is changing something so many different dynamics and power structures that I think that is, this is a time when we are going to be given those a lot in rapid succession of opportunities to say yes to things that are new, that require us to stretch and do something we've never done before and own it. And I think I think there's a lot of power in that idea, and I think it's hard to do. It takes a lot of courage, and I don't know. I think it's worth pointing out that that's a wonderful and admirable, I don't know, attribute that you have.
Ayesha Ophelia: Well, thank you. And I couldn't agree more with you. It's definitely the time to step into whatever sort of been nagging you. And I definitely, there were times when I said no, but after I made up my mind and my heart sort of like, okay, you will be supported. The first time was always the hardest, but, you know, I resisted for a long time until I just said, okay, like I'll do it. So, yeah. Yeah.
Trenton Reynolds: For a lot of us, or I say that meaning me, for me, I had to get to a point where I was just so desperate. You know, I just needed a job. I needed to make money. you know, now or yesterday. You know, it's like we are at a critical point where something's got to happen, right? And it took me getting to that point that I was willing to finally say yes to things that I had been suppressing or just not willing to entertain even though I knew that was in my heart to do. So I feel like I wonder if there's got to be a way that it can be less painful to say yes or that it doesn't take... such an extreme situation for us to to make that leap and I guess as a teacher that's the kind of thing that I would like to be able to just to learn how to to facilitate right is to to help guide people into saying yes to whatever that is that's that's in their heart to do I think it's a a hard thing to teach. It's a hard thing to get at unless there's really a situation that pushes you over, you know, that barrier of entry.
Ayesha Ophelia: You know, I think even what the two of you are doing, it kind of feels like a permission slip for people that are watching. And one thing that I have adopted as a really firm belief is that when you... when you come to the front of your life and it doesn't matter if the catalyst was pain or if it was just like okay yeah I'm gonna say yes like whatever it is that gets you to the point of where you're showing up in a different way or doing something that you've always wanted to do the people around you in your immediate vicinity and now through the magic of the internet, they're all sort of watching. And I've seen, like, just by me coming forward, I've seen, like, I've seen and heard so many women write me letters and say, hey, I decided to do this thing because I was following the Girlfriend Manifesto. And you just never know the power of what you're doing and how people are sort of watching. And I think that that is a really powerful thing that I cannot underestimate any longer. It's like, yeah, when either one of us lights up and we do something that we love, it's a permission slip for someone else to sort of do the same in their own life, regardless of what their thing is. You know, it could be a podcast. It could be being an artist. It could be whatever. But we're all, we influence each other so much without even really realizing. Yeah. The thing that I actually love so much about listening to you all is like it's you know, it's not fussy, but it's so human. I just love it, you know? Like, I was walking through some place, and I saw this, like, old-school tape recorder, and I feel like I have a podcast in me, and I have this idea for one, and I'm like, wouldn't it be cool if I just sat down and did it old school? And, of course, the person I was with was like, well, how are you going to get this from tape to digital? I'm like, sure. I don't know yet, but wouldn't it just be cool to like keep it so analog? Yeah, so simple. I think people are craving You know because everything can be so polished that you kind of feel like it's not real and we're all like searching for that What's that? You know that real thing that feels really real and raw and that's what I love about just like hearing you guys giggle and talk about your lives and So, yeah.
Trenton Reynolds: Well, let's talk about how to get the analog audio into the computer. I'd love to help you do that. Oh, yeah.
Ayesha Ophelia: I thought, I know. When you said that, I was like, "See?" I'm on it. I'm on it. I'm all over that. See? And that's the dreaming process. You don't ground the dream when it's like, when it wants to just be free and like, you know? And so, yeah, I'll figure out the logistics later. And all you have to do is speak up. Like, thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: So how would you do it, Trent? What do you think? Are we going to solve it? I don't know.
Trenton Reynolds: I'd have-- I don't think we're going to solve it right here. But I'd need to see a picture of the actual device and see what the options are for--
Sabrina Ward Harrison: I will definitely send you one.
Trenton Reynolds: I love problem solving, that particular kind of problem. So I'd be happy to take a look at one. Good to know.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Thank you.
Trenton Reynolds: I feel like we need to go a bit in reverse here and have Aisha introduce herself.
Yeah.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Sure. Okay.
Trenton Reynolds: I think we've prepared long enough and it's time for you to...
Ayesha Ophelia: to tell us who you are. Okay. So my name is Aisha Ophelia and I am a healer and an artist and I have created the Girlfriend Manifesto, which is a sacred space online and in person for women where we talk about all the complexity of being a woman, including sisterhood, how important female friendships are to our general sanity. Um, self love, which is, I love it that it's a huge thing now because, um, really Sabrina's book really helps me with some of the self love stuff. Um, spirituality. And that is, um, that encompasses everything that a person could believe. It's sort of this inner urge, it's this mystery that we're all surrounded in, and, missing one, adventure. It's just getting out there, saying yes, doing the thing that you're passionate about. I love to see people sort of lit up and talking about what they love or doing what they love, and I love being sort of a catalyst for that healing to happen, to be able to really show up in their lives. So that's how I would introduce myself. - Well done, well done. - Thank you.
Trenton Reynolds: - Are there, we've in the past, in past episodes, we've shared meaningful quotes or sayings or, and I know that's something that you often share on Instagram. Are there a few that you have in particular that are kind of guide posts? That's a great question. Let's do that.
Ayesha Ophelia: Yes. I love this one because, you know, we've sort of touched on the fear aspect of moving into action on what you love. And I love the Joseph Campbell quote, um, The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek. And I've sort of come to this new relationship with fear through that quote over the years. Like, okay, what is this fear? Is it actually excitement? Is there something beyond it that I haven't experienced? So that's a huge one. And then there's this, it's almost like a poem, and I'm sure maybe Sabrina has heard heard of it. I'm not sure if you have, Trent, but it's Mountain Oriah Dreamer, and it's the quote that's the invitation, and I'm going to butcher this a little, but I'm going to give it a shot, but it basically goes through all these things, and it's like, I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care... okay the clothes that you wear I want to know you know how you feel after a night of staying up all night with the children it's just like this most beautiful poem that's an invitation I guess back into our humanity and like stripping away all the things that kind of keep us hidden that we that all of us use um I'll have to find it so you can post it but it's one of my absolute favorites those are those are just the ones that are coming up for me now
Sabrina Ward Harrison: You have some really good ones. I love it because they're always really things I haven't read before. Where do you find them?
Ayesha Ophelia: You know what? I feel like I have a knack for that. I don't know if there is a future job in this, but I love curating things and I love... sort of finding things and sometimes I'll post things that people have reposted because they're just so good I can't pass it up but oh man I you know even before there was a thing called Pinterest I would like okay so even pre-Pinterest so magazines I would cut out a ton of magazines I would cut out words I would cut out quotes it's been it's a thing that I've been doing constantly constantly since I was a kid, it just kind of evolved with the times. And so now I have like a digital scrapbook of, sorry about that, I actually took my phone off airplane to see if I could find a quote, but a digital scrapbook to,
Ayesha Ophelia: you know, just, I guess, burying my soul, burying my heart, these things that I love, you know, I wanna put them out there so people can see how it lands with them. And it's so interesting to see what, I don't know how everyone's sort of feeling. Like, I feel like you can kind of take the temperature of like what's happening through something as simple as Instagram.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: And you want to, yeah, just take it and they can, they can, It can really affect your whole day. Yeah.
Ayesha Ophelia: It can, which is like the power of media, you know, and for so long it was kind of out there. It wasn't something that could influence, although it was affecting us all the time. So it's cool. Trina, I liked what you were saying about, you know, it's... it can it really can collapse power structures and we've seen that happen and you know also like now we get to have our our platform and our voice to put out really positive things and that that means a lot to me you know I like don't listen to the news I feel like if there's something that happens I will know about it you know I'm really picky about what I ingest and so you know it's nice to look around and see that people really are, are hungry for this and are putting out really beautiful, beautiful things.
Trenton Reynolds: The other thing that I wanted to ask you before,
Trenton Reynolds: and this might be another, okay, I'll, I'll, I'll stop being self-deprecating and just come out with it. I have had a little bit of a problem recently realizing that I am becoming the man. And what I mean by that is that the proverbial man,
Trenton Reynolds: this enemy, this adversary, that's kind of part of, I think, just our society or our kind of culture.
Trenton Reynolds: I'm kind of... I fit the description. And my hair is starting to turn gray. I'm white. I'm heterosexual. I have kids. I've got a fairly normal... ish job. I'm kind of pretty conservative, you know, and I guess when I was reading your site, I am starting just to, like, this is... It's so much more painful right now than it needs to be.
Trenton Reynolds: But I'm realizing that, you know, what I was able to distance myself from that identity, right, that enemy for a long, long time, but the older I get, the more I become it, you know, whatever it is. But there are things that it is, and those things are me. You know, I'm all these things that, you know, I come from a fairly privileged background. privilege, background, and wealth. Anyway, so I'm starting to realize that, well, A, I can't hate myself. I don't think anybody should hate themselves. Yeah, nor should you. And this thing that I realize that I'm starting to fit the description a little bit better and I believed that narrative, you know, for a long time that there was this man, whoever the man was, and that we ought to kind of see him as an adversary and somebody to fight against. I'm just wondering how I'm in a position where I'm having to rewrite the narrative for myself and and try to understand because the man hasn't gotten gotten away you know like as we all grow up the man is still there he doesn't age he doesn't die right he's like he he remains and so some somehow i've either got to figure out how i reconcile the fact that i am the man and i've become that identity that adverse adversary or you know that thing that people need to push against and identify as the opposite. Or I have to figure out how I differ or where I fit into a more healthy and happy narrative. Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Trenton Reynolds: Probably not. No, it does. It does.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: I don't understand it really. Well, okay.
Ayesha Ophelia: Here are the first things that stick out to me. Everything that you mentioned was sort of just the trappings of the man. And I feel like, yes, there is a man. But that man... and that idea is being redefined. And I think that if you have the wherewithal consciousness, whatever word you want to use to question, if you are that and to take time to really sit and think about, okay, am I this thing that, that people feel like they need to push against, and do I just feel that way because I am, you know, you could go down a checklist and be like, okay, you might look like the man, but are you really? Do you know what I mean? Like, when I think about quote unquote the man, it's someone who is, much more interested in, okay, these are just bigger ideas, but profits over people. Someone who would push you aside to get where they need to go. Someone who wouldn't think about cutting out nice pieces of paper and handing them to people. And you have three lovely girls who you can be... a big influence on in the world. And I think that that is a huge, I mean, you already know it's a huge responsibility, but it's also like a grand opportunity to be like, okay, yes, I've had these things, but so what? Yeah, you can't help, like you, you can't hate yourself for how you came into the world. I think that's one thing that I've had to come to realize, even just by living in the South, because there was a lot of things kind of thrown at me, and I was like, well, wait a minute. Like, I didn't necessarily choose to come in with this, with, you know, looking how I do and being who I am. I love it, but, you know, it can be challenging to some people, and no one should walk around hating themselves because of things that they truly don't have control over. But, you know... I guess those are the things that stood out to me after listening to you.
Trenton Reynolds: So that then that I guess in the question I was not asking I think you you picked up on it very well and I guess to to try to make it a little bit more pointed you are you represent yourself your identity is the Girlfriend Manifesto and I think I think you've talked about feeling more comfortable to speaking to women and to the messiness of living life as a woman and interacting with, you know, a sisterhood of women. I guess I wanted to put you on the spot a little bit and ask you to step out of that comfort zone a little and tell me...
where I fit in.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Oh, boy. Great. Good job. Is that... I don't mean to... I don't mean to be adversarial. I'm not trying to be adversarial.
Ayesha Ophelia: Okay, let me just say, because, yes, I've listened to the podcast, and I'm getting an idea about... It's so interesting the way that you must see yourself because, and this just speaks to how cool I do believe that Sabrina is. I can't imagine her being connected to a man who would... Yeah, we all have things about ourselves that we want to change and shift, but I just pictured you as being more of an alliance than... There wasn't any thought of... he's a white male and he's this or he's that. It was more just like this comfortability.
Ayesha Ophelia: Yeah, I mean, that's the way that I came into this sort of situation, kind of feeling and thinking, like kind of kindred spirits, you know, across all obvious lines that make us different and unique. And I think those are great things about us actually, actually. I don't know if that answered your question at all.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: I love the phrase alliance. Alliance really brings true to me.
Trenton Reynolds: Yeah. It's a conversation that comes up in my relationship with my wife a lot. And, you know, as we talk about just traditional gender roles and parenting and providing for family and what the expectation is for her ambitions and what she wants to achieve with her life as opposed to what kind of comes with the territory or is culturally expected of me for the same things. It's hard stuff to navigate and I've I've just recognized how messy it's be it is also right now for men you know and how it's really difficult to to figure out what is expected of us and where we fit in and what we have to offer, you know, and what our identity ought to be, you know, in relationship to the behavior and identity that was modeled for us in previous generations that maybe had some bad things, but, you know, there's got to be clues there for how to proceed, you know, in the future as well. I don't know. I think it's, you know, with you in particular, because of, you know, what your interests and focuses are, I thought that was a question that I'd like to ask. But also because you and Sabrina, and what Sabrina represents, I feel like, is... is very similar in many ways. So, I don't know. There was a quote that you also shared on your Instagram feed that I was trying to find, and I just found it. We don't need men to be gentlemen. We need men to do peyote and fecundity face their deep cores of emptiness, then return to the village humbled. And I thought that is some... I guess that's kind of what I was maybe even asking you to tell me. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you read the caption on there,
Ayesha Ophelia: but that was definitely a provocative... sort of statement. And I think that in this situation, what the peyote is, and even in this conversation, is it's the willingness to look at it, the willingness to look at those structures and see what needs to collapse and see what, you know, just like the idea that there are men who sort of want to rise to the occasion. Like, it's a tough time to rise to the occasion for men and women, you know, and men in a different way. And I have a great respect for that. So, you know, that post was sort of meant to, like, you know, ruffle feathers. And one thing I feel really like is a gift and maybe also a curse is just, like, sort of planting a seed of doubt in, like, whatever, like, perfect life or, like, whatever you've, like, built for yourself that's not true or not essential. And I don't know what that is, but you will by your reaction to... said whatever thing, you know, in front of you. So that's interesting. Yeah, that, that post definitely got a lot of, um, amens from a lot of women and also, you know, a little bit of pushback, which I totally expected because there's a part of me that's like a hundred percent on board with that. And then there's a part of me that knows that that's not for everybody, you know?
Trenton Reynolds: Right. But that was a definitive statement that resonated, and it was kind of a breath of fresh air for me to read that and to think, oh, okay. That's something that I can understand, you know, that I understand that request. I understand the intention behind that statement. you know, and it speaks to me, you know, it's talking about me and like what I need to do to, you know, pay, maybe find the way forward. Anyway. That's cool. I appreciated that post and, you know, I've got mixed feelings about the literal, you know, taking it literally, but I definitely. appreciated the intent behind it.
Ayesha Ophelia: Oh, I love it. I've got a giant smile on my face. Aww.
Trenton Reynolds: Is there anything that you would like to plug or tell people about or point people towards?
Yeah.
Ayesha Ophelia: I guess just the Girl From Manifesto website or Instagram. It'll keep people kind of updated. I'm an artist in so many ways, one of which is I like to do a lot of different things. And so I've got a YouTube channel. I've got some things going. But just stay tuned for whatever magic I cook up.
Trenton Reynolds: Fantastic. And we look forward to a podcast. Yeah, I could really see that being wonderful.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Thank you, Sabrina. This was so much fun. Thank you both. Thank you, Asha, for joining us for this conversation.
Trenton Reynolds: Girlfriend Manifesto. Go check it out. Thegirlfriendmanifesto.com. And you can find her on Instagram at The Girlfriend Manifesto.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: And we will be back next week with a great conversation with Allison from The True Living Experience here in Madison this Saturday. two weekends ago. And check out what we've got going on on roominthetrees.com. We've got the two upcoming workshop, true living experience, room in the trees situation, collaboration, awesome situation thing that you totally should come to. Happening.
Trenton Reynolds: Room in the trees situation. I think that's not a bad idea. Yeah. Room in the trees situation. Yeah.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: So check that out and have a good week.
Trenton Reynolds: Just go and situate. Go out and just situate yourself. Go situate yourself.
Sabrina Ward Harrison: Go situate yourself. That's good. That's really good. you