Trenton ReynoldsIt is Saturday, December 24th, 2016. This is Room in the Trees, a podcast about living life as a creative person and making stuff. today it is the day before Christmas and I've got to get back to the festivities so not much of an intro today I hope you are having a fantastic holiday season and we just wanted to give you a little holiday special episode today and here it is episode 30 make time for wassup okay Now I'm recording, let's see if you can hear yourself.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonI don't hear an echo.
Okay.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonAnd I don't see a gecko. Ge-ge-ge-ge. I don't see a gecko. And I don't hear an echo. I wonder if we could do a whole episode just in different voices. What would be the voice you would do? What would it be?
Um...
Trenton ReynoldsIt's hard to keep a voice going for very long.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonI think I would talk in Edith Ann voice.
Trenton ReynoldsI think I would do something like this. I would do the sexy voice.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonI could kind of picture you, because what plays were you in? Like, I could picture you as, like, a revolutionary sailor. Da-da-da-da-da-da. With the big hat on.
Trenton ReynoldsDo you have any people in your life where when you get angry or upset with them, it's easier to kind of go into... voices instead of... No.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonThat's cool.
Trenton ReynoldsThat was... Well...
Sabrina Ward HarrisonWhat would be an example of that?
Trenton ReynoldsWell, I don't know if this is too personal. Sometimes Laura and I... There are certain things that we... There are points of tension. And sometimes they are easier to deal with... in character as it were
that's so awesome
Trenton Reynoldsit's not like we do it intentionally it's just like this default thing like what I don't even know I shouldn't have brought that up
Sabrina Ward Harrisonokay but that's funny
Trenton Reynoldsyeah
Sabrina Ward HarrisonOh, well, I'm not in Pasadena. It was a rough... I had a wonderful time getting home. This is jumping way ahead, but just dealing with LAX. It was a really interesting experience where I got there. I was very, it was very hard saying goodbye to my mom. It was a beautiful sunny day and I'm like, what am I doing in Madison, Wisconsin, living there by myself, it's snowing. And I kind of had that fear, like I'm gonna get there and just think I'm crazy. So I was driving down, down, Chris Kelly drove me. He was someone I was in, he was in our art class, I think. Hmm. He has a transportation service now called King Commuter. Commuter King. Sorry. Okay.
because
Sabrina Ward Harrisonbecause he said that a pool guy once told him if you start a business you should use your initials so commuter king Chris Kelly I just thought of mine. Shit happens. No. Okay. So I got to LAX and I checked in ahead of time. I went to put my baggage in. There was tons of people. Feeling strong. Had my leather jacket on. Had a big kind of leather hat on my mouth.
Okay.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonNot really, yeah, it was kind of leather. Belt, belt, hat, my mom gave me a set. And I couldn't put it in my suitcase, I had to wear it.
Anyways.
Trenton ReynoldsSo you were all bundled up?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonWell, it was like a cowboy hat, like a suede.
Okay.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonAnyway, I get up there and the woman looks at me and she's like, Do you need a wheelchair? I'm like,
What?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonShe's like, Do you need a wheelchair? Just go to the end, just over there and take a wheelchair. And I'm like, Are you kidding? Like, what?
And then I just said,
Sabrina Ward HarrisonOkay. Okay. I did. You took a wheelchair. I don't know why. I was like, did I just look that... I mean, there's lots of people that look frazzled. I mean, I thought, I don't know, I felt like it was from above. It was the most bizarre experience. Like, they just wheeled me right past a billion people. I didn't walk over there with a limp or anything. And then no one asked me. I thought, don't people... Shouldn't people ask, like, you know, when you have a parking, handicapped parking, like, you have to have something that says, I need a wheelchair, I've been handicapped. Because, like, why isn't everyone being wheeled to the gate? But I just said yes. I just said yes. I just said yes. And I was wheeled all the way to the door of the airplane.
Yeah.
Trenton ReynoldsYou are off to a fantastic start. That's pretty wonderful.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonYeah. It did feel definitely interesting. I just don't know why she has me. So weird. So weird, but you know a lesson in just saying yes.
Trenton ReynoldsAbsolutely.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonAnyway, the trip was great. The trip was really great. The trip was, like I said in the last episode, or the episode before last, before I left, I really felt like I had never gone into a trip with such intention of being to having a really good experience and all that comes with all that comes with preparing for what to do that and then on a deep level because And it was just somehow, this was, I went with my mom to this celebration, weekend celebration with my dad in Santa Barbara. And it was the first time I'd been with my mom and my dad together in... many, many, feels like many, many years. And it was just something very, it was very meaningful and very sweet. And my heart felt really, really full and felt very sincere. And Gretchen put the whole thing together and It really felt like my mom let go of something and passed it on. She gave a beautiful toast and she acknowledged Gretchen's peace within our family that brought us all together. It was really, really a beautiful testament to her and to our growing family. So I'm saying this all without totally crying, but I guess it helps to tell a wheelchair story beforehand.
Trenton ReynoldsSo it sounds like there wasn't the underlying, kind of the awkward subtext that there could have been.
That's great.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonAnd maybe something, I'm just thinking about this right now, like maybe something when a family, it made it so much, somehow so much more precious and I think made us all so much more present for what we were celebrating. and how we were celebrating and that makes like, like I really felt, like I said to my mom and dad, like let's take a picture together. Let's, I'm so happy to be with both of you where other years you would just take that for granted. And then now it's like, this is so great. So, And it was really, really nice to see my nieces. And I did some drawing with Hayden. And they wanted to... They're in that stage where they wanted to go exploring with me and go, Can you go in this little exploring? And as a kid, it was just so magical. Like, let's go out this back entrance of the property and sneak around. And I really... caught myself just being like step right into their moment don't think about oh well do we have time to do it or why are we doing that or where do they want to go and it's just the sweetest that stage of seven years old it's just really really sweet
That's awesome. Yeah.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonOh, and one of the favorite, best favorite things was my best friend from high school, which was the sister to one of your best friends from high school, was Megan Roberts, sister of Emily Roberts. And she had reached out to me just days before asking for my address and I said, "Megan, I'm going to be in Santa Barbara," and I haven't seen her in maybe six, seven, eight and she came over that night that I got there, and we had the best time. We laughed so hard. We just dropped right back in. I spent the entire evening sitting on the couch laughing with her, and she's downloaded Room of the Trees and has been listening to it since that day. So it was just really, really good to see an old friend. but old friendships are just incredible.
Yeah.
Trenton ReynoldsYeah, I'm finding that the older I get, the more I value that history and relationships that I've been around for, I guess, that I've endured that time.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonBecause Gavin Williams is one of your best friends from that time, right?
Trenton ReynoldsMm-hmm. Yeah, Gavin and Tom and Joe. Yeah, there's a few of them. So, I think the podcast that we recorded before you came out to California, I know you were feeling anxious about a lot of that, a lot that was going to happen. You were expecting or kind of... anticipating what it all might be and feeling a lot of stress about it. So I, looking back on that and remembering that conversation, I just think it's fantastic that you're able to acknowledge that, that you're feeling that way and find ways to prepare yourself and structure your trip in a way that allowed you to have, these boundaries that we've been talking about, you know, the full podcast and those boundaries in those guys, it's not even boundaries might not be even the right word, but, um, acknowledging your limits and planning accordingly. I think that created the, the mental and literal time and space for you to, to be there, you know, to be professional. present and to really enjoy the moments. I don't know. Does that sound?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonAbsolutely. And I think for everybody with the holidays, taking a little bit of time to really tell you, be clear with yourself about what your intentions are. Like what are,
um,
Sabrina Ward Harrisonthree things that you just want to be sure happen. They can just be completely, you know, details. But something where you have, you know, what's the most important thing that needs to happen. And it shouldn't be some grand, like, I bond with this person. Nothing that you can't control, but something For example, I knew I needed, I wanted to be present for my nieces because I don't see them very often. And we were just about to leave for brunch with my mom, and the kids weren't coming, and I was saying goodbye to them. And I just said, and Hayden wanted to draw with me, and I just said, Mom, I've got to, my heart would just hurt if I didn't just, can we just spend, take another 10, 15 minutes and relax? And I just, it was because I really was clear. Like brunch with adults can wait when being present for something like drawing outside in the sun with a seven-year-old is just would strengthen my whole experience in a deeper way.
Right.
Trenton ReynoldsAnd to realize that you, there's never going to be a lack of things to do and ways to fill up your time and really potentially valuable, meaningful ways to do, to fill up your time. But to say that this is my purpose, this season or this trip or during this time and to just fight for that, I think. I think that's a hard thing to do. I see my season just the past several, past week or two, you know, thinking of, I see Laura getting all anxious about getting gifts for our kids. And then we decided to do this 12, 12 days of Christmas thing for my parents. And I've got deadlines for this project that I've been working on and I And these are all things that feel necessary.
Right.
Trenton ReynoldsAnd they're good things, but I think it does bear reminding myself, I don't know, I'm thinking to myself as I'm listening to you talk, that maybe this stuff doesn't need to... need to all happen right now. You know, maybe I can just say what's important to me today or this season is to make sure that I spend an hour a day where I'm not thinking about anything but having a good conversation or good time with my kids. Yeah. I don't know. It's so hard to do. For me. I don't know. everything feels so necessary and it feels like everything is a priority but it's when everything's a priority there's no priorities right
Sabrina Ward Harrisonand I think it does have to do with having children too I think it's no joke having a lot more humans involved
yeah
Trenton ReynoldsYeah, but that just highlights the problem, right? It highlights that the skill that needs to be developed is...
Sabrina Ward HarrisonLike maybe not doing the 12 days of Christmas for your parents?
Trenton ReynoldsWell, yeah, maybe that... We're already... You're deep in. We're already on day nine, so I think if we were to give up now, that... We could though. You could. We could. You could. They would not... Care. ...be upset that they did not get...or we could just give them the remainder of our little gifts for them at one time instead of giving it to them every day.
Yeah.
Trenton ReynoldsYeah. I think once you are clear about your priorities though, it's easier to see what you can cut out and what you can limit and where you can draw the boundaries. boundaries. I know one more thing about this. I don't know if this is going on too long about it, but it feels, it feels important to me. But, uh, we had talked about doing this get together when you came with listeners of the podcast and that felt like, like we had this, just, you know, an afternoon or a couple of days window where you could do this and it probably is not going to have, we're, we're not gonna have another opportunity for a long time. So it felt like, we should really take advantage of this opportunity. But the more we talked about it and the more you thought about it, it just, I think you realized it, as simple as it seemed, it was gonna add another load to what was already a very, you know, complicated trip.
Right.
Trenton ReynoldsAnd so, I don't know. For me, that moment was a significant one because I was thinking like, oh, this is, we got to take advantage of this time. But it was absolutely the right thing to not try to do that. And because we didn't do that, I think we were able to enjoy the, you know, the afternoon that we did get to hang out.
Sabrina Ward Harrisonand record. Yeah. So. And it poured rain too. And then there would have been like this whole, like, how do we reach people? And where do we go? And do we, you know, like not being able to find and then posting it, you know, there's so many layers to that. A simple one hour get together
Trenton Reynoldsturns into this huge fiasco. Absolute cluster F. Yep.
Yeah.
Trenton ReynoldsSo I think this is the season that this is the problem, right? When family's coming to town or you're going out of town and people are like kids and friends are all needing presents or needing some kind of show of love. Like this is the time to learn how to do this.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonI think, yeah, the power of just snuggling time or a special walk, just individual time with children.
Trenton ReynoldsThe power of snuggling time.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonThe power of snuggling time. It's true. It's so true.
Trenton ReynoldsWe need Peter Cetera to sing the chorus. Who? Peter Cetera. Do you know who that is?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonOh, the name's so familiar. It's so cheesy.
Trenton ReynoldsYeah, totally. Like the power of love. What was it? What are the songs?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonGod, I just heard that in the car the other day. I hadn't heard that in years. In the, like, the Glory of Love or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one.
Trenton ReynoldsThat's totally one of those songs that comes on and I crank that puppy up and sing right along.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonYeah, I got, like, slow dance from high school flashbacks. Like, slow, sweet, like, side to side. Yeah. I'm going on my first date this weekend. Yeah.
Yep.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonAnd I emphasized he had bought a canoe, and I emphasized that that was a real big selling point for me. And also that his favorite movie was The Jerk, which was just one of my... top. You've seen that, right? Have you seen that? I have not. I'm ashamed to say. I've got to say. It's just a funny, random, funny, funny Steve Martin movie from the early 80s, I think. Late 70s. So that's happening on Christmas Eve. So if it goes badly, then I'm going to always remember that awkward Christmas Eve in Madison.
Trenton ReynoldsSo he has a canoe, but you guys aren't going canoeing.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonNo. No, we're not. Okay. We may go on a little bit of a hike, which is an interesting possibility, outside. He's in conservation and ecology. He restores prairie land, which is really cool, the arboretum at the university.
Yeah.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonI don't know if he restores it, but his skill is in prairies.
Trenton ReynoldsI'm sure it's a very valuable and fascinating thing to do.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonI love it. Yeah. I love it
Trenton Reynoldsmy skills are in prairie
Sabrina Ward Harrisonprairie land prairie land
Trenton ReynoldsI'm really good I'm really good at prairie I'm really good at prairie with prairies.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonThat voice really is disturbing. It's like... Yeah. Yeah. Don't. Don't do that. It's mouth breathing. Oh my gosh. What's the whole Santa story you guys are going with?
I don't know.
Trenton ReynoldsWell, I grew up not being... Not believing in Santa Claus because my... Are you serious? Have I told you this before? My mom... No way. Okay, tell me. She believed in Santa Claus. And my grandpa was really into building that story up and building up the magic of the moment. And then she didn't find out until she was... like nine or 10 or something like that, that that Santa Claus wasn't real. And she was really hurt by that. Like she felt like she had been betrayed and lied to. So she decided that she was never going to try to sell that to her kids. So we grew up understanding that it was just pretend. And we, she had some books about, you know, different different Santa stories, but it was always very clear to us that it was not real.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonDid you tell your friends that believed, like, you guys are suckers?
Trenton ReynoldsNo. Were you told to not tell? No, I guess there were times when I was told not to tell, but I don't remember... Yeah, I don't remember ever really being in a situation where I could ruin it for somebody else. Like, I think I just assumed everybody knew that it was real.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonSo what now?
Trenton ReynoldsWe, I think my kids know that Santa's not real and it's just pretend.
Yeah.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonSo it's just parents buying crap for them.
Trenton ReynoldsJust parents buying crap.
Huh.
Trenton ReynoldsYeah, sorry. There's no magic in that, but that's how I was raised. What about the Easter bunny? same same situation apparently we're just not a very that's just sad a very magical household
Sabrina Ward Harrisonbut you know well how was it with you guys what It was just the wonder. Did your dad dress up? No, I've never, no, no. But we really got in, they were great with writing the letters. One of my favorite traditions, and maybe you can do this because it doesn't have to involve Santa, was every Christmas my dad, there'd be some present, like kind of the main present, that would start with a string, I remember this every year, and it would wind around the house, up the stairs, down the stairs, into the backyard, back over, under the rug, under the carpet, around, and then lead to some random great present at the end. And it was always really fun to follow the string, and it just took some time, and it was really a fun tradition.
That's a great idea.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonI really like that. And you could do it even going outside of your apartment and down, you know. But it was just a simple, like, balloon string, and then you just, and you could just do it in the morning. It's not very obtrusive.
Right.
Sabrina Ward Harrison- Right. - So that was, really loved that. We had some great, great Christmases.
Trenton Reynolds- I wish you a Merry Christmas and--
- Thanks.
Trenton Reynolds- Hope it's as magical as possible.
Sabrina Ward Harrison- Like what, just a final question about like, what makes it special then, Christmas for you guys? Why the big stress if it's like not even, like a Santa kind of gift.
Trenton ReynoldsThere are other ways to have happiness. How?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonHow?
Trenton ReynoldsWe do gingerbread houses. We have music playing. We have dance parties. Okay, cool. We have stockings.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonBut it's not Santa's stocking.
Trenton ReynoldsNo, but they're still getting stuff. It's just as exciting.
Okay.
Trenton ReynoldsYeah. And now I'm totally feeling depressed. I'm not... We are not providing the magic for our children.
Sabrina Ward Harrisonthat is so rare when you become an adult, you don't believe in anything.
- Yeah.
Sabrina Ward Harrison- It's too late now, gotta have more kids.
Trenton Reynolds- It's too late now, that's right. They'll try again, try again on the next one. No make believe for these ones. Both of my parents are so not that way. - Yeah. It's not that they, they're just very practical people. And I think that practical sometimes means not spending too much time in imagination.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonYeah. There's no practical genes in our side. Nothing ever was practical, ever. Nothing. Okay. we longed for some practical structure in our family. But yeah.
Oh,
Sabrina Ward Harrisonwell you can, you can bring that randomness. You can bring it.
Trenton ReynoldsThat's right. That's my wish for Christmas this year.
Yeah.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonName three things that you want to, like, specific things. What are three things that, like, very specific things that you want to do?
Trenton ReynoldsThree specific things that I would like to do, and this is just kind of coming off the top of my head, that are, like, Christmas-related, right? Yeah. Season-related. So we just got our fireplace fixed, so it works after seven or eight years of living here. And we've tried several times, but it's whatever, it's been a problem. So we got it fixed, so I would like to have at least on one evening, maybe Christmas Eve, to sit on her couch with the fire on and the Christmas tree lights on, just hanging out with Laura with some kind of hot, tasty beverage. Wonderful. Like wassail or hot chocolate.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonWassail? What?
Oh, yeah. Never heard of that.
Trenton ReynoldsWassail? What? Are you serious? You've never had wassail?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonThat's going to be the name of the episode. Wassail what? What? No, I've never... I've never heard of that.
Trenton ReynoldsWell, you've got to look it up. It's fantastic.
I'm going to try to...
Sabrina Ward HarrisonWassel! Wassel! Wassel! Okay. Interesting. Okay. Okay, it's this. I'll look it up. It's really good. Okay.
Trenton ReynoldsSo that's one. Wassel or hot cocoa with Laura on the couch with the fire going and Christmas tree. Second would be... I really just want to be able to relax and enjoy the present opening in the years past. It's been, there's so much expectation and buildup in our kids' minds that Like, I don't know, it just always feels really intense. Like, they've got all this expectation they're going out, they open the gift, and then it's all about, like, just all these feelings of either happiness, or they want to play with it, or they want to move on to the next present. And I'm thinking about, like, cleaning up the papers so the baby doesn't start eating it, and... I think I would just like to have a moment or two where I can just sit down and not have to take any pictures and not have to clean up any paper and just watch and soak in the moment. Maybe find a little magic there somewhere.
Yeah.
Trenton ReynoldsAnd the third is I want to make sure that each one of my girls gets a little bit of alone time. And I just want to make sure I tell them that I love them.
Yeah.
Trenton ReynoldsYou know, the season can go by really fast and everything's fast paced. easy to kind of speed through it without.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonWhat are your favorite things as a dad that are good examples that dads can do that are really nice dad and daughter things?
Trenton ReynoldsI'm still figuring out the daughter thing. It is still very new to me, but. Yeah. The, I guess the most regular thing that we do, they come down to the studio and they we paint together. And that's always really nice. I think doing something creative, I don't know, that was not a part of my childhood where part of my relationship with my parents where we were like making things together and I really valued that. with my kids. Because obviously it's an important thing to me personally, so it's nice to share that with my kids.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonWell, I think all of those are going to happen.
Trenton ReynoldsWhat about you? Do you have any?
Sabrina Ward HarrisonNope, I'm good. I think I hit them all on the head last week. I think I really... I can high-five myself right now.
Trenton ReynoldsWell done. Well done.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonHigh-fiving is just like clapping over and over. Clapping is really just high-fiving over and over and over again with yourself. Okay, let me just one second.
Hold on. Hold on.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonSo just thinking about the end of the year, just reflecting back on it.
Trenton ReynoldsThat was easy.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonNo it wasn't. No it wasn't.
Trenton Reynolds2016.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonIt was rugged. It was rugged. It's pretty rugged.
Trenton ReynoldsRugged is the word. Good riddance. Good riddance 2016.
Sabrina Ward HarrisonOkay, so we will be back again probably after the new year. yes okay okay yep have a great holiday season and we won't talk like that Hey, I really hope you enjoyed it. No, no.
Trenton ReynoldsHappy holidays, everyone. We'll be back in 2017. And keep your eye out for t-shirts. Room in the Trees t-shirts coming soon.